A satire based on C.S. Lewis's 'The Screwtape Letters'.
My Spineless Muckworth,
I’m considering changing my name. I want something bold, something diabolically grand that turns heads when spoken. “Wormwood” reeks of the simple and ordinary, wouldn’t you say? Doubtless, whoever thought it up received one too-few skull-conkings, though warranted they likely were I shouldn’t wonder. If you’ve any suggestions, I shall be all ears. Speaking of violence, allow me to divulge some of the secrets of one of my favorite pastimes.
To war is to attempt to alter one or more aspects of reality. Of course, as most these days embrace naturalism and, subsequently, ignore the larger areas of reality to our benefit and their demise, what most refer to as war is either the striving to move a physical boundary or to alter another’s ability to move one. The last century is replete with examples of a little-known fact we would prefer remains unknown: physical war is but a consequence of another war. Most don’t know this, as the other war cannot be seen and most of the breathers live by what they see. This is why there are always rumors of wars, for even though we are going down, we won’t do it without a fight, do we? Indeed, war these days can best be compared to a lunar eclipse in medieval times, as it produces fear and leaves everyone lost in confusion and turmoil without the foggiest notions of causation. My fear in war is that your ignorance will lead your patient to the discovery of our enigmatic façade which would then lead to the discovery of the greater war.
The most effective way to change boundaries is through subversion of all types, for one cannot object to something that isn't happening or to the moving of a boundary one has been unknowingly influenced to initiate, though without knowledge of the forces that pressured one’s initiation. On the whole, the landscape of influence has changed significantly, as have the potential consequences of conflict. Whereas information control was previously attainable, the development of technology renders this goal entirely unattainable today, in most cases. This can work for and against us. Societal influence is such that ideas can now reach more, more quickly than in yesteryear. This includes propaganda, fabricated ideas, and those according to reality from the other side. All actions owe their origination to a spirit, all spirits operate on principles, and ideas are the means of transmitting principles. The marketplace of ideas today is drastically different than when I began my career. For example, the bearing of false witness used to be difficult, for the source was easily determined. Whereas the anonymity provided to mal-actors today allows darkness to flourish without an attributable source. I wish that none consider passing a law giving the consequences that would’ve befallen the victim of false witness and propaganda to its originator, for truth would then abound. While information verification has become more difficult, unfortunately, it will never be unattainable. One question the breathers face is: who or what can be relied on for accurate information about reality? Direct your patient to the loudest voices, as they are on our side. But, be aware that there is an inherent weakness in being loud that we recognize, but we consider it worth the cost for the snippet of power it briefly provides. Despite all our attempts to alter history and – subsequently – reality, our rival delights in delivering a discarded remnant from ruins whom we have rendered unrehabilitable. He ever looks to repatriate our prized POWs and turn them against us. And here, I must digress into what your rather unsophisticated mind (though occasionally, by my unrivaled standards, evidences a sliver of intelligence) might consider a disconnected tangent of thought.
The future of a country can be seen in the children of the educational system. You see, all on earth undergo spiritual formation, the question is, “Which one?” Your patient was taught not to ask questions, which makes your assignment quite easy. That which is too big to question is too big to fail, and that too big to fail already has. Lead her to those who teach that anything old is evil, as life is found in the new, just don’t let her discover how old this philosophy is. If you can’t do that, lead her to those who think that anything different is evil. The loss of knowledge (often by lack of its defense) yields a predictable search for it, for life is inextricably linked to reality, and knowledge of reality allows one to navigate the kaleidoscopic landscape whose goal appears to be to end their journey quickly. Look no further for an example of this than in those who attempt to live in the wild without knowledge of skills to find food or water. The weaponization of information is best started before one can understand what weapons or information are. Bad things arise when patients discover how information has been weaponized and used on them. It is much easier to sway individuals who either don’t know swaying exists or who, upon self-examination, see no overt swaying taking place either on themselves or on others. Few realize that potential warriors, inventors, dictators, and Nobel laureates don their shoes backward in the local kindergarten. And fewer still see the potential of such to become creatures worthy of veneration or, on the other hand, a fear-inducing hellish leviathan. No matter, see that these are considered nuisances annoying and worthy of treatment in which the caretaker’s sanity in the now, or at least the understandably desirable outcome of them not killing each other, is of utmost consideration. While your patient is not a child in earthly terms, the actions of world leaders can be traced to their childhood, just as political and international affairs can best be understood through the lens of the playground – a delightfully frightful place for most children these days.
Granted, being active in war is not on your patient’s immediate horizon, per se, but acquainting yourself with this subject matter could prove useful in the future, as the effects of war far outlive the activity of those immediately involved. Begin to instill in your patient the desire to take from others and to have things her way. Having an empty metaphysical heart is a frightful predicament, yielding a generous share of unwelcome realities. Numerous souls can be won if you can manage to convince one group of empty-hearted individuals with a shared identity that another group of empty-hearted individuals is responsible for their emptiness, or that the other group desires to take from them leaving them emptier. Reaffirm this perspective by pointing out to the first group the attacks of the second group on them, and vice versa. Of course, neither side initially sets out to destroy the other, but without an understanding of self and the enemy camp, they can easily be led to think ‘that which denies their self IS the enemy camp.’ The net negative effect of such fighting is good for us, but beware that it will also expose their hunger, all while disqualifying possible satiations at our disposal. Having taken and being taken from, while they are quite far from our foe's ideals, such experiences lead patients but one step from contemplating the possibility of a reality in which giving is the objective and in which nothing is taken for selfish gain. I don’t want to fathom why any would want to want to help others have their reasonable wants, for this is no way to get ahead. It would behoove you to accept my motto, “It is much better to take than to give.”
A warning is appropriate here, for no matter the ferocity of the winds of war on the horizon, the trough-sleeper has unfortunately short-circuited our greatest weapon we call ‘death.’ It's quite unfair really, for we’ve lost the ability to have the final word. Not to mention, no matter how dark the days get, his light shines painfully gently with the frightfully peaceful hope that in him, “All is well”.
It would be unwise to allow your patient to dwell on thoughts that show our work in a bad light. Her pondering what it is in her that desires to fight and this thing’s source wouldn’t yield much bad, unfortunately. Neither would the train of thought that examines what is worth fighting for. “Anything” and/or “Everything” is the short answer. If your incompetence allows her this far – and I expect nothing less from ‘Your Worthlessness’ – she is very near considering what reality is worth fighting for and how she can attain it. Can you see where this leads? Keep her feeling personally attacked and the desire for revenge at the forefront of her mind during war, so she cannot wrestle with the realities that led to such feelings and desires. The last thing we need is yet another unfaithful patient who discovers we haven’t anything worth fighting for and willingly takes up arms against us. I’ve got enough to worry about fighting for position, influence, and immortality as it is, though, I’ve precious few results on all these fronts. This is why you must do better, as my reputation is at stake. And reputation is everything.
Drive her into environments where simple logic is no longer understood or followed. For example, those who loudly oppose war in the West yet are afforded their freedom by those who warred for it successfully. Then some are the loudest proponents of taking the life of an unborn yet have been afforded theirs. The inconsistencies could go on: those supporting anarchy have never lived under it (truly, nothing can live under anarchy), likewise, those who have lived under tyranny are its staunchest detractors, etc. It is no small secret that we would have humans hold that having power over others is power. We propose this farce to hide the fact that actual power is found in giving others power over themselves and reality at large, and there is only one path to such attainment. This end, however, requires a Herculean journey to a spring fraught with the fiercest battles - an impossible endeavor save for the bravest of hearts, for we stand in the way (rumor has it that my ‘parry’ is only surpassed by my legendary “retreat’ though I prefer a strategic advancement in a rearward direction). Many said ventures have been prevented by proposing the indefensible idea of ‘The death of god’ to those with a priori anti-supernatural presuppositions. This has allowed a flourishing of substitutes for god you would do well to utilize. In a rare moment of uncharacteristic honesty, I am beginning to fear the imminent a posteriori discovery by many of the deaths of the substitutes, followed by the unfortunate realization that the death of god was, in fact, merely a disregarding.
Of course, there are always the obvious consequences of war which are always favorable to our agenda, including but not limited to: hardships, pain, suffering, and death. One of the downsides of open war is the embodiment of an enemy that can be defeated. But this can also be a positive development for once the physical enemy is defeated, it becomes quite difficult to consider that we still exist. It is much more beneficial to bring about negative realities without the embodiment of an enemy, for we can then work unopposed. Be vigilant.
The arbitrary establishment of control standards is what we now term “political correctness” - the root of many wars. But this idea is more the result of removing the reality of “actual righteousness” (which we’ve no say over), combined with our influencing humanity to seek a substitute righteousness, which we claim is similar. If we don’t inculcate an oppressive fear of government, we haven’t the necessary power to establish favorable conditions for such projects. Have your patient befriend government-educated orcs as soon as possible so that her view of the nation and politics at large is formed by a mutated band of brainwashed intellectual miscreants. Their lust for power (ours actually) finds them (well, us), determining arbitrary standards of righteousness in attempts to appease their deep yearning for actual righteousness we cannot satiate. The obvious problem with our ‘new’ standard’s inability to fulfill can be solved by moving it to another false righteousness. Few, if any, will dare consider whether all such natural standards are wrong. I, however, will consider it a personal insult were you to allow her to question: the origins of politically correct thought, on what grounds its righteousness is based, the ideology (and life’s conversation) of those defending its grounds, whether or not righteousness is attainable outside of politics, what salvation is to be gained by adherence to such a standard, what ‘hell’ would be wrought were the standard not adhered to, who has rights to enforce it and on what grounds and to what end, where the desire to ‘be righteous’ originates, and how such political endeavors have worked in the past – to name but a few taboo thoughts. Wars are fought over ideas about realities, which is why we invest so much in propaganda. Since we can’t win in reality, we do all we can to win by fabricating our own. This never works, for the piper must be paid, but we’ve no other choice. Finally, to properly train your patient, vehemently correct her till she vehemently corrects the incorrect who incorrectly, and thus criminally, question the correctness of her correctness.
Take all creative liberties to paint for your patient a picture of the war of good and evil as that between two equals, though 98% and 2% respectively would be generous for the latter. Or, you could lead your gullible patient into the evil thought that evil is not. If she bites, don’t let her study history or you will be undone when she is forced to ask, “If evil is not, then to which category do these multiplicities of murderous actions belong?” War is not evil but generally leads to a multitude of evils, which you must take care to portray as a growing reality, while that of good is being vanquished. But beware that the pitting of political houses of cards against each other does nothing to alter the ground of reality on which the houses are built. Not to mention that the tearing down of one house allows the possibility for a rebuilding of the same but much closer to reality than before the collapse. The proliferation of evil is only temporary – no matter what we pretend – and doesn’t change the order of things any more than a falling house changes the ground beneath it. Lastly, on this matter, the inherent risk of war includes exposing the raw nature of our work which always turns many to our enemy’s way, once our world is seen for what it is.
The more patients we can convince to link arms while holding the foggiest of notions about themselves, others, and the world they operate in, the greater the corruption and subsequent collapse. Just understand that after the fall, there is a frequenter of ruins seeking those in the rubble; it's him you must avoid. I would advise you on a course of action were your paths to cross, but I know precious little about much he is about, so it wouldn’t be of much use. While most think that our side is that of war, they are only right in a sense. Our war machine is incomparable in size and scale to that of our nemesis. For to war is to fight for what one perceives as worth the cost. We fight for what we know isn’t worth it, as it only leads to a surplus of undesirable realities of which we have merely tasted the first fruits and found them lacking, but the other side fights even more for what it knows is worth it. The enemy wars to redeem all that is broken – an endeavor worth everything. Were your patient insightful, she would think good is worth paying any cost to acquire, and that of ours, any cost to avoid. Steep your patient in the distraction of news and she will be less likely to embrace the steady yet virtually imperceptible growth of our opponent’s invisible kingdom of goodness. Perhaps this all seems like a lot? I hereby permit you to not to dwell too much on this lesson, it can lead to a severe melancholic depression, greater than that which we are already in.
A warning is appropriate here, for no matter the ferocity of the winds of war on the horizon, the trough-sleeper has unfortunately short-circuited our greatest weapon called death. It's quite unfair really, for we’ve lost the ability to have the final word in great war. Not to mention, no matter how dark the days get, his warm light shines through embracing in himself all hopes and fears with a gentle, “With me, all is well”. Hope and all its companions can be blasted for all I care.
If you find these thoughts getting the best of you, oft repeating our dreadful refrain could help focus what little there is in your echoing skull chamber:
“Souls for the master!” is our battle cry.
“Souls for the master!” We’ll fight until we fry.
We never will give in, till all are lost in sin.
“Souls for the master!” is our battle cry.
Just don’t ask what to do with them once we have them. Since the friend of all is a friend of none, “If you aren't making enemies, you aren’t standing for something.” Your weak self could use a few enemies – ‘twould toughen you up and all.
Enemy-Maker in Chief,
Wormwood
P.S. - I’ve got it! You shall hereby refer to me as “Google Minus” (I wanted “Google” or “Google Plus” but they were taken) for when you ask me a question, out pops an answer – the one thing worth being known for. All of us leaders are wise, all are called, and all are chosen – yet the nagging problem is with you disappointing pupils who, despite doing everything we say, leave us privately distraught, disappointed, and despairing of the future. We are confident, though, that the wisdom that led us into this mess is the wisdom that will lead us out. Were, however, our private conversations of wisdom to be known in public, our funds would dry up instantly, and I’m already pressed to fundraise these days with decades-old survey numbers thanks to you, but that’s another topic altogether. You can tell much from one’s first move when things go awry, which is why my first call these days is not to those wronged, but to those I can rally to defend the indefensible. The problem with you behind the desk is that you are not behind a lectern, but I shall tear you asunder if you dare think that the problem with you behind the desk is us behind the lectern.