A satire based on C.S. Lewis's 'The Screwtape Letters':
Dearest Muck,
Truth sets no one free. A ruthless disrespector of persons – a reality after my own heart in that regard – it cares neither for feelings nor desires for it cannot care at all. Representing reality is its primary concern, though I doubt it can actually ‘concern’ itself about anything. The good die for it; evil tyrants suppress it; and our foe only works through it. Indeed, the whole system of this world would break down, were people to live in it. It is the stubborn mule of reality, hard to live with yet impossible to live without. Though most would prefer it not exist (at least if you ask them), any attempt to disprove it requires its use, for no one would fancy having their “truth doesn’t exist” answered with “I’ll have two of those then. Thank you for paying!” I’d rather lodge shards of peppered glass in my eyes than reattempt to prove the non-existence of that which a proof must assume.
Truth is a feature of thoughts that allows us to live with realities that are not immediately present to us. It’s a kind of testable and verifiable proposition that coincides with reality and forms the foundation of the enemy’s commission. Simply put, a statement is true if that which it is about is as the statement says it is. It’s not a very popular topic these days, thanks to our vicious campaign of secularism, which we’ve cleverly painted as “open-minded,” though nothing (save me) could be further from the truth. The philosophy has all the appeal of an open door, but on closer inspection, your patient might discover it is but a closed door with an open door painted on. It does allow us to so compartmentalize realities that any topic of the enemy’s camp, even the enemy himself, is condensed into nothing more than an interesting artifact – an end that justifies the means......for now. And, by all means, keep her from asking whether anyone has demonstrated that reality is secular lest you fancy a withering blow to the snout.
Reality is not always what it appears to be. Most of the time, the breathers must survive a bloody bout with themselves and others to land in its general vicinity; and even then, the chances are slim to none. Effectiveness isn’t the only reason deceit is the cornerstone of our kingdom; it’s also fun. Is there anything better than fabricating a desirable reality and then living as if it were true? Well, the actual reality would in fact be better (all things considered) but, given that we haven’t the power to manipulate actual reality, we settle for the next best thing: manipulating others as they pass through it. It is no simple task, but it does get easier with time. Their desire to be someone important is not one we let dissipate without encouragement. Why they trade the enemy’s offers for our promise to make them someone special is beyond me; as is why the enemy offers that they become the least, as if that would attract them. If it made sense, I probably wouldn’t be in this degrading hellhole teaching you, as I would be on to bigger and better things. The enemy, however, prefers clandestine methods of influence to allow humans the freedom to be who they really are without pressure. A way of leaving them no way to hide. Had he transfigured for the masses, he would have left them no options. You are left with no other option but to be in awe at my massively unsuccessful transfigurations.
It would be a most dreadful calamity were your patient to discover that there is a way things are. It's much easier to destroy her when all ideas and paths are seen as equal, precisely because they are not. In such a state, the truth is hidden amongst a sea of lies, that all promise to produce the same results as the truth. You know better. Were she given to wisdom, examining the paths and options before her would be the next logical step. Some truths can be known by some means, other truths require knowing by other means. Logical consistency and empirical adequacy are standards that would prove immeasurably helpful to her search, but if they are found, your termination will quickly follow. But there is no tool more powerful for her demise than those who claim to have a clue but haven’t. Most often, those given to proclaiming ‘having the truth’ need it, just as those who don’t know their need to know their need, need to ‘know that they know.’
It would be foolhardy to underestimate the great one's campaign for truth. Even if you managed to suppress your patient into the deepest and darkest cave of confusion, he is looking for any opportunity to go in after her. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet the technological means of mining to a depth that would hinder our adversary’s rescue efforts. However, we can come close by planting ideas in the minds of those who claim to represent him. Of course, these never let on that they are not in the know, but their words and actions betray them, as will the future, for the inconsistencies continue to mount. When the show doesn’t go according to their plan, a grand coverup begins to take shape. The collapse of an empire, whether individual or corporate, is no boring feat to watch nor easy to accomplish. Built on a foundation of power and control, when the structure begins to fade, a host of preferable grievances quickly follows. Unfavorable questions, no longer permissible, are swiftly silenced in public, but in private, a very different sentiment is expressed –further evidence of an inconsistent reality and a culture of draconian image management. It is helpful to know that those who silence others wouldn’t hesitate to kill given the means, right circumstances, and the ability to hide this as well, for having taken one's voice, what’s to say they won’t take the lot else? Their unstable doublemindedness is evident not only in information management, but markedly so in their advertised reality and visible results. It is common for such to speak with a forked tongue about the demise of their project, yet laud the outstanding opportunity to join their endeavors, for all sane individuals in these parts know that what a sinking ship needs is more people. But who could blame them for clinging to the last vestiges of power? Much easier to keep ninety-and-nine at the expense of one. Truth is a nasty pill to swallow, especially when it renders one powerless and illegitimate in one gulp. Which is why I’ll have none of it. Were your patient wise, and thankfully she's not, she would consider the rejection of such as these the highest of honors. Don’t attempt to interject yourself into the law of sowing and reaping, just attempt to interject your patient into the reaping if you can. The undesirable prospect “if X, then I’m toast” demands a choice that cannot be undone. I prefer just the toast with a generous spread of mungus jam, never mind all the rest.
Any attempt to understand the great one can be confounded by preventing her from understanding herself. Knowing the destination does nothing if one doesn’t know where they are – the epitome of ‘lost’. Most of them haven’t a clue where they are, though their ability to cover up their predicament rivals our own on occasion. You can further complicate matters by pushing that the negative consequences of being lost are in fact what it means to be lost, rather than a direct result of their condition absent truth.
Lead your patient away from the truth by subtle means at first. Our kingdom would cease to exist were it not for subtlety, shades, nuances, and senses. A well-placed not-so-innocent distraction can redirect her, thus evicting the good she might be on about which could’ve threatened your work. While I think this method most suitable for influencing your little project, you may find her harden a bit as she gathers experience and information. In this case, a more invasive approach may be necessary. Brash techniques are never ideal, however, as they stand out in a landscape in which we would rather they not, but they do carry weight that requires more than the frailest dispositions to overcome. With this method, there is no guarantee. Depending on the topic and situation on the ground, the harshest of methods may be used as a last resort. If you are going to end the campaign, make sure she doesn’t recover from it. Slave knows what would happen were such latter attempts to fail.
The pursuit of truth is a delicately nasty business and takes no prisoners. If, despite all your lies and such, your patient were to endeavor to live in the enemy’s words, and it's rumored of late that she is beginning to develop a taste for them, she would then have interaction with that which we and ours exist to hide, which in turn would lead to her being irredeemably free, perish the thought. There is no bigger threat to your work than, “God so loved the world that he gave his only son.” Unfortunately, this is the truth, unlike most of what I write.
Your Exquisite Unc, Wormwood
P.S. - With unmatched delight, I cordially demand that you voluntarily attend your upcoming annual critique. While I’m obviously your favorite, the other grand poohbahs will also be present. Enclosed, you will find 15 pages of questions you must answer completely for a not-so-simple quality-control critiquing. Failure to do so, or failure to do so properly, will result in the firmest of reprimandings, the likes of which you have become accustomed to. I suspect you will no doubt continue to identify yourself by that which reflects poorly on me rather than what I’ve made you know, just know that you have nowhere to hide. Any resistance to our agenda must be the enemy’s derailment attempts. What gives us the right to put your very identity and associated ideas on the chopping block? You signed up for my class to learn more about the way of the master, remember? This is what he does, and you will accept it or else. Lastly, don’t be so critical.